Twenty Million pre-teen girls were at risk of suicide this week after hearing the news about Twilight Goddess, Rachelle LeFevre. Yes, the world is in mourning this afternoon as it sets in that the last movie of the Twilight series, 'Eclipse', will not only suck terribly, but it will do so without the redheaded villain, Rachelle.
Riot onlookers at a filming studio in LA gave the following statements.
"Oh my god, I freakin' hate you Summit! Like, you don't even know. I love Rachelle! GO SUCK EDWARDS DICK, SUMMIT, GOSH! Like, seriously."
- Chastity from San Francisco
"RACHELLE LEFEVRE, I LOVE YOU LIKE SO MUCH! Wait, who's Rachelle LeFevre?"
- Rick A. from New York
"OMG OMG OMG OMG SHOES!"
- Kyle from Youtube
If I were Summit, I would tell her just like it is: "Rachelle, you're just too ugly to play in Eclipse. I mean, your hair is red and you look stupid. Why do you even want to be an actor in the Twilight Series? We all know everyone loves Edward and Bella's character, but what about yours? Everyone hates you!"
Instead of being in 'Eclipse', Rachelle will be acting in a less retarded movie, "Barney's Version".
We're a happy family! Oh what the hell, Eclipse will still suck without you.
What is this world coming to? Are dogs not people too? PETA thinks so, but what the hell do they know?
Michael Vick was recently reinstated back into the NFL. Who's going to hire a dog killer, though?
Probably no one; and that is why I propose that he should create his own NFL team. The Dallas DogFighters, perhaps? Hell, he should make his own football league. Instead of footballs, they would use miniature chihuahuas. Their jerseys could be made of poodle fur. Their slogan would be, "We kill dogs for your entertainment."
The American Fag is a majestic and beautiful piece of our patriotic history. It's bright colors and glittering stars have inspired people for generations to shed their prejudices and unite under the glorious banner of equality
Today it was announced by the New King of The Earth, Barack Obama, that using Mac technology a legion of super-soldiers would be created to serve NATO in the genocide of people who disagree with Western Customs and Beliefs.
Starting this fall with such brilliant and beloved shows as Sex And The City and Scrubs seeing their final hour, all eyes have fallen on one new and thriving Sitcom to carry the torch that these fine shows have finally walked away from
In a breaking news story, the Racial Stereotype League has saved the world yet again today. Yes! The team who continues to prove that racial stereotypes can positively work to improve our world has finished their fifth daring adventure and rescued the world from certain doom.
It was a bleak and early Monday when the world awoke to the disturbing and terrifying news that a Rebel Faction of Russian / Middle-Eastern Soviet Terrorists had obtained a Biological Nuclear Bomb capable of destroying our entire internet MySpace
As the painful crunch of economic turmoil and an evergrowing international food crisis continues to plague the U.S and foreign countries, a new solution has come into view. While it may be seen by some as barbaric and even disgusting it is already being ushered into American doctrine faster than Baseball and Apple Pie. Brace your children and wives, Cannibalism is the new Atkins.
Originally I had a fantastic arguement for the purpose of a poignant and cutting debate against all that is wrong with everything these days. However in spite of all this I leave you with this image of Oprah passing down her commandments to all those who follow the faith of Modern Media. May her will be done, for her's and her kin's are all that is left is the Human Race.