The Day The World Exploded5 Tips For Meeting Exotic New People!
December 30th 2007 12:59
As a seasoned people meeter I often venture into the urban sprawl to get a glimpse at all the people I can meet. Back in 2002 I was Time Magazine's official People Meeter of the year because I met 159,000 people in one day. Allegedly.
So it comes as a huge surprise to me when I find out that some people actually struggle with social situations and find it difficult to meet new people. In this segment of "Human Hunter" I'm going to give you 5 easy tips that will make meeting new people an easy but exciting hobby for everyone! Woohooo!
1. Smiles:
Smiling is a great way to show that you're a stranger and you have candy. Children under the age of 8 are especially weak to a huge toothy smile. If you're trying to lure a total stranger into your dark un-marked car so you can meet them. Try using a smile.
However! The trick to smiles is not to go too far! Also, ugly people shouldn't smile. There is a fine line between where a smile is friendly and inviting and when a smile is a disturbing grimace of maximum creepiness. Here's a visual aid to show you what I mean:
The girl on the left has the right idea. Granted she's still not really harnessing the power of the smile she's at least on the right road. The fellow on the right has totally screwed the pooch on this one. The facial expression he's making is likely to frighten people, animals and possibly himself when reflected in a mirror. Don't be like the guy on the right.
2. Appearance:
What you wear and how you wear it says a lot about you. For example, if you see someone walking around in a Juicy T-Shirt or Shorts than you can assume that this person is a prostitute and you probably should avoid them. Prostitution while a fun trade is illegal in many states. Also, steer clear of shirts that evoke your opinions too much, the idea behind meeting new people is to mask who you truly are until you've lured the person you want to meet into your car or apartment. Let me show you the right way to do this:
This man is showing off a mildly offensive T-Shirt. However what that shirt says about him is this:
A. He wants you to know what he's gonna do.
B. He loves Unicorns and finds them to be passionate and fascinating creatures.
Both of which are prime criteria for the meeting of new people. In fact, you could reproduce the T-Shirt in the picture and probably instantly boost your people meeting skills like ten-fold.
3. Conversations kills:
Yes, the above spelling is correct. There is no such thing as "Conversation Skills" it's actually "Conversations Kills" and it's what happens anytime you get locked into a boring conversation with another person who isn't me or has the written consent to pretend to be me. So you need an escape plan.
Anytime the person you are trying to meet begins some horribly boring story about their day or how they feel about this or that you need to have something good to say to bail out fast. Lets take a look at how that could go...
Notice how Rick Steel had to escape Janets incredibly boring story about shoe shopping? He tactically had a puppy ready to go and when the time was right. He did what he had to do. This is the work of someone who truly understands the founding principles of Conversations Kills.
4. Last Resorts:
Lets say you're still struggling and tips 1-3 aren't helping. Maybe you're just an ugly person, who knows? In any event, you should always have a last resort. Which usually comes in the form of a pill or spiked beverage. Nothing lethal. Just a little something to make people more meetable. After all, good friends are those who can't turn you down. I'm sure you're now wondering: "What kind of things could I put in my new friends drink to make them be more open to my friendship?" well basically lets just say this:
5. Join The Club:
If you need friends fast and you're absolutely hopeless you can join my friends network. Here at Global Insult we like to indulge in the idea that everyone who reads our work is our friend. So why not drop us a comment and request that you be added to our brick-wall of friendship today? It's the best decision you'll ever make in your whole life. Sad huh?
So it comes as a huge surprise to me when I find out that some people actually struggle with social situations and find it difficult to meet new people. In this segment of "Human Hunter" I'm going to give you 5 easy tips that will make meeting new people an easy but exciting hobby for everyone! Woohooo!
1. Smiles:
Smiling is a great way to show that you're a stranger and you have candy. Children under the age of 8 are especially weak to a huge toothy smile. If you're trying to lure a total stranger into your dark un-marked car so you can meet them. Try using a smile.
However! The trick to smiles is not to go too far! Also, ugly people shouldn't smile. There is a fine line between where a smile is friendly and inviting and when a smile is a disturbing grimace of maximum creepiness. Here's a visual aid to show you what I mean:
The girl on the left has the right idea. Granted she's still not really harnessing the power of the smile she's at least on the right road. The fellow on the right has totally screwed the pooch on this one. The facial expression he's making is likely to frighten people, animals and possibly himself when reflected in a mirror. Don't be like the guy on the right.
2. Appearance:
What you wear and how you wear it says a lot about you. For example, if you see someone walking around in a Juicy T-Shirt or Shorts than you can assume that this person is a prostitute and you probably should avoid them. Prostitution while a fun trade is illegal in many states. Also, steer clear of shirts that evoke your opinions too much, the idea behind meeting new people is to mask who you truly are until you've lured the person you want to meet into your car or apartment. Let me show you the right way to do this:
This man is showing off a mildly offensive T-Shirt. However what that shirt says about him is this:
A. He wants you to know what he's gonna do.
B. He loves Unicorns and finds them to be passionate and fascinating creatures.
Both of which are prime criteria for the meeting of new people. In fact, you could reproduce the T-Shirt in the picture and probably instantly boost your people meeting skills like ten-fold.
3. Conversations kills:
Yes, the above spelling is correct. There is no such thing as "Conversation Skills" it's actually "Conversations Kills" and it's what happens anytime you get locked into a boring conversation with another person who isn't me or has the written consent to pretend to be me. So you need an escape plan.
Anytime the person you are trying to meet begins some horribly boring story about their day or how they feel about this or that you need to have something good to say to bail out fast. Lets take a look at how that could go...
Notice how Rick Steel had to escape Janets incredibly boring story about shoe shopping? He tactically had a puppy ready to go and when the time was right. He did what he had to do. This is the work of someone who truly understands the founding principles of Conversations Kills.
4. Last Resorts:
Lets say you're still struggling and tips 1-3 aren't helping. Maybe you're just an ugly person, who knows? In any event, you should always have a last resort. Which usually comes in the form of a pill or spiked beverage. Nothing lethal. Just a little something to make people more meetable. After all, good friends are those who can't turn you down. I'm sure you're now wondering: "What kind of things could I put in my new friends drink to make them be more open to my friendship?" well basically lets just say this:
5. Join The Club:
If you need friends fast and you're absolutely hopeless you can join my friends network. Here at Global Insult we like to indulge in the idea that everyone who reads our work is our friend. So why not drop us a comment and request that you be added to our brick-wall of friendship today? It's the best decision you'll ever make in your whole life. Sad huh?
| 112 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by Garrett Mickley
Garrett's Absolution
Digital Product Reviews
What great tips!
You truly are a genius!