Brandon 2A gigantic river of fluid fun flowing from my frothing mouth. Taste The Pleasure!
November 13th 2007 13:38
It is extraordinarily depressing and disturbing the utter lack of thought people put into the statements they use on a daily basis. Most of these seemingly idiotic phrases are used purely out of habit or perhaps some kind of strange idiot fetish for obnoxious use of exclamation marks. Either way, there is an epidemic of redundant and pointless phrases and concepts being used in our society today. I'm going to explore some of them and perhaps shove a much needed foot in the mouth of their perpetuators.
1. "Help! I Can't Swim!!"
Really? I've got dollars to bet that if you're in mortal danger and desperately need to stay afloat than thrashing around like a retard will probably get the job done. Perhaps you were raised in a gated community and have never seen a retarded child thrash around? That's fine. You must've seen a movie that involved someone, somewhere, swimming, you could always just mimic that whole "bobbing" motion that they do in the water! Still stumped? Maybe this is a sign that if you're too dumb to stay afloat you're better off dead?
2. "Are You Serious?!"
This phrase usually comes after some kind of horrible news or event. I'm not sure who coined this one but they were either extremely suspicious or extremely stupid. The problem with this phrase is that.... honestly... what are you expecting them to say? That they're just joking with you?
If this scenario seems at all reasonable to you then I do not have the words to describe the severe mental trauma that must plague you every day of your sad, sad, sad, SAD, life. Bottom line - If you have to ask if the horrible things in your life are serious, maybe that's why they happen to you?
3. "Are You Ready?"
This question is usually asked several times as some kind of preparation to a longer more boring story or announcement. What it looks like is this:
John: "Hey Bob! I got great news!"
Bob: "What's up?"
John: "Are you ready?! Are you ready?! Are you ready!?"
Bob: "Uhmm, sure?"
John: "My wife is a month pregnant!!"
Bob: "Hahaha, sucks for you."
Aside from John becoming excited about his life being 8 months away from being a living hell; what else do you notice about him that makes him an especially horrible human being? That's right! He asked Bob 3 times if he was ready to hear his stupid announcement! Lets see how this kind of reckless questioning could backfire!
This footage shows just how dire the consequences of asking someone if they're ready can be. If person A. had simply said what was on his mind instead of asking "Are you ready?" he probably would have gotten it out before person B blew his brains out to free himself from a world of stupidity.
Conclusion:
The lesson we should take from these examples is that it is highly important that we choose our words carefully at all times as almost any minor mishap could lead to certain death. If the mishap does not lead to certain death it probably lead the people who have to deal with you to commit a violent and painful suicide. So for all of us.... think before you open that god-forsaken pit of illiteracy on your face.
Stay classy!
1. "Help! I Can't Swim!!"
Really? I've got dollars to bet that if you're in mortal danger and desperately need to stay afloat than thrashing around like a retard will probably get the job done. Perhaps you were raised in a gated community and have never seen a retarded child thrash around? That's fine. You must've seen a movie that involved someone, somewhere, swimming, you could always just mimic that whole "bobbing" motion that they do in the water! Still stumped? Maybe this is a sign that if you're too dumb to stay afloat you're better off dead?
2. "Are You Serious?!"
This phrase usually comes after some kind of horrible news or event. I'm not sure who coined this one but they were either extremely suspicious or extremely stupid. The problem with this phrase is that.... honestly... what are you expecting them to say? That they're just joking with you?
Fire's not serious.
If this scenario seems at all reasonable to you then I do not have the words to describe the severe mental trauma that must plague you every day of your sad, sad, sad, SAD, life. Bottom line - If you have to ask if the horrible things in your life are serious, maybe that's why they happen to you?
3. "Are You Ready?"
This question is usually asked several times as some kind of preparation to a longer more boring story or announcement. What it looks like is this:
John: "Hey Bob! I got great news!"
Bob: "What's up?"
John: "Are you ready?! Are you ready?! Are you ready!?"
Bob: "Uhmm, sure?"
John: "My wife is a month pregnant!!"
Bob: "Hahaha, sucks for you."
Aside from John becoming excited about his life being 8 months away from being a living hell; what else do you notice about him that makes him an especially horrible human being? That's right! He asked Bob 3 times if he was ready to hear his stupid announcement! Lets see how this kind of reckless questioning could backfire!
Are you ready? I dare you.
This footage shows just how dire the consequences of asking someone if they're ready can be. If person A. had simply said what was on his mind instead of asking "Are you ready?" he probably would have gotten it out before person B blew his brains out to free himself from a world of stupidity.
Conclusion:
The lesson we should take from these examples is that it is highly important that we choose our words carefully at all times as almost any minor mishap could lead to certain death. If the mishap does not lead to certain death it probably lead the people who have to deal with you to commit a violent and painful suicide. So for all of us.... think before you open that god-forsaken pit of illiteracy on your face.
Stay classy!
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