The Day The World ExplodedCannibalism may be the solution to all of America's Woes
April 24th 2008 23:02
As the painful crunch of economic turmoil and an evergrowing international food crisis continues to plague the U.S and foreign countries, a new solution has come into view. While it may be seen by some as barbaric and even disgusting it is already being ushered into American doctrine faster than Baseball and Apple Pie. Brace your children and wives, Cannibalism is the new Atkins.
Yes! Cannibalism!
No institution says "Using Your Noodle" like eating your neighbors noodle!
Lets be honest, in these dark days Human beings are the biggest problem we've got. They are terrified of their own economy. They fear the wrath of their all-knowing governments and even worse: they're eating all of our food!!
So what better way to solve all of the worlds problems then to simply eat the rest of the Humans?
1. Food: By eating large portions of our population we've not only added a delicious new cultural dish to our pitifully small domestic menu, but we've also added a huge new commodity of consumer foods to our economy and global stock.
2. Economy: Not only would the price of less tasty foods go down and become entirely affordable but with more and more people being BBQ'd and baked on a regular basis we would quickly see a drop in the demand for oil because eaten people can't drive cars. Clearly this would make the price of gas ever-more-reasonable.
3. War: After adopting this new tradition we essentially have won all future wars. No nation or faction is crazy enough to pick a fight with the cannibal nation who consumes their adversaries in a multitude of scrumptous meals and snacks.
4. Fear: Nothing says "Terrified" like waking up everyday and wondering if a hungry mob of Country Club seniors is going to consume your flesh and blood today in a goretastic massacre. Suddenly the Government and the crippled (soon to be booming) economy don't seem like such big issues anymore!!
Obviously the arguement for Cannibalism is beyond debate. It's only a matter of time before we implement what is essentially a panacea for all of our social and economic concerns. So open wide and take a bite out of a more glorious of Human tomorrow!
Fresh and Tasty! Baby Burgers bring new hope to hungry people!!
Yes! Cannibalism!
No institution says "Using Your Noodle" like eating your neighbors noodle!
Lets be honest, in these dark days Human beings are the biggest problem we've got. They are terrified of their own economy. They fear the wrath of their all-knowing governments and even worse: they're eating all of our food!!
So what better way to solve all of the worlds problems then to simply eat the rest of the Humans?
1. Food: By eating large portions of our population we've not only added a delicious new cultural dish to our pitifully small domestic menu, but we've also added a huge new commodity of consumer foods to our economy and global stock.
2. Economy: Not only would the price of less tasty foods go down and become entirely affordable but with more and more people being BBQ'd and baked on a regular basis we would quickly see a drop in the demand for oil because eaten people can't drive cars. Clearly this would make the price of gas ever-more-reasonable.
3. War: After adopting this new tradition we essentially have won all future wars. No nation or faction is crazy enough to pick a fight with the cannibal nation who consumes their adversaries in a multitude of scrumptous meals and snacks.
4. Fear: Nothing says "Terrified" like waking up everyday and wondering if a hungry mob of Country Club seniors is going to consume your flesh and blood today in a goretastic massacre. Suddenly the Government and the crippled (soon to be booming) economy don't seem like such big issues anymore!!
Obviously the arguement for Cannibalism is beyond debate. It's only a matter of time before we implement what is essentially a panacea for all of our social and economic concerns. So open wide and take a bite out of a more glorious of Human tomorrow!
Fresh and Tasty! Baby Burgers bring new hope to hungry people!!
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Comment by Howard
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For the Sake of Argument
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The other other white meat.
Comment by PopulistConservative
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Wait, isn't that what they did in The Time Machine?
Comment by Anonymous
and it takes alot of herbs to make it taste like something..
Comment by aykayem
don't eat me - I am a clown - so I will taste funny
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