The Day The World ExplodedGovernment To Team Up Obese People and Midgets To Create Super Soldiers!
June 20th 2008 06:28
Today it was announced by the New King of The Earth, Barack Obama, that using Mac technology a legion of super-soldiers would be created to serve NATO in the genocide of people who disagree with Western Customs and Beliefs.
Steve Jobs quickly drew up plans for the preliminary Super Soldier design. The concept was to fuse two of the worlds most feared races into a hybrid super-being capable of functioning in any situation under a multitude of scenarios with optimal efficiency.
The final project concept looked something like this:
As Steve Jobs explained, "In a combat situation, you basically got a fat guy and a midget tied together. So they can function as a team in almost any combat situation. Regardless of if its eating an entire buffet or crawling through a doggy-door. They got it covered in ways that no ordinary human could."
As Obama and Jobs toured the initial test subjects they were given combat simulations to demonstrate the awesome power of these mortal gods.
Seen above is an early attack concept known as the "Tiny Bomb" in which the fat-guy unit of the team uses his sheer momentum to hurl his midget counter-part as a projectile. The maneuver is still in early development but is showing a lot of promise.
In 2008 the first field test of these super soldiers now deemed "Glutton Goliaths" was enacted upon a combat region in Southern Afghanistan. After only 45 minutes of combat, the results looked like this:
After the 45 minute massacre the entire city was destroyed and all life within it was dead and or dying, with the exception of one local Burger King. The staff of that Burger King was taken hostage by the duo and enslaved for the next 48 hours satiating their mammoth hunger before they too were obliterated.
Truly, this project is heralding in a new dawn of weaponry in the United States.
Steve Jobs quickly drew up plans for the preliminary Super Soldier design. The concept was to fuse two of the worlds most feared races into a hybrid super-being capable of functioning in any situation under a multitude of scenarios with optimal efficiency.
The final project concept looked something like this:
As Steve Jobs explained, "In a combat situation, you basically got a fat guy and a midget tied together. So they can function as a team in almost any combat situation. Regardless of if its eating an entire buffet or crawling through a doggy-door. They got it covered in ways that no ordinary human could."
As Obama and Jobs toured the initial test subjects they were given combat simulations to demonstrate the awesome power of these mortal gods.
Seen above is an early attack concept known as the "Tiny Bomb" in which the fat-guy unit of the team uses his sheer momentum to hurl his midget counter-part as a projectile. The maneuver is still in early development but is showing a lot of promise.
In 2008 the first field test of these super soldiers now deemed "Glutton Goliaths" was enacted upon a combat region in Southern Afghanistan. After only 45 minutes of combat, the results looked like this:
After the 45 minute massacre the entire city was destroyed and all life within it was dead and or dying, with the exception of one local Burger King. The staff of that Burger King was taken hostage by the duo and enslaved for the next 48 hours satiating their mammoth hunger before they too were obliterated.
Truly, this project is heralding in a new dawn of weaponry in the United States.
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